the jagged edges cut like knives
the cracks won’t fill with glue
my shattered dreams remain untouched
I only wish I knew

I tread the silent, hurting path
and sink into the pain
I walk on through the lonely streets
I hope I won’t again

I see a building, standing tall
and walk on through the door
I glimpse a shattered mirror
I wonder what’s in store?

I gaze into the broken mirror
and see me staring back
I wonder if that’s really me
something seems to lack

the face is pained and lined with care
the eyes are hallowed tombs
the scars are deep and dripping blood
I turn out of the room

back to the street my feet take me
the rain is pouring down
I start back up the road again
I barely make a sound

perhaps I’m meant to wander here
forever lost and searching
perhaps my life is over now
my step is slow and lurching

shattered glass below my feet
shattered skies above
shattered dreams are in my head
and shattered hopes below

That’s not a depressing poem, oh no. But it really sums up this week which was: exhausting, straining, frustrating, full of regrets, angry, sadness and pain.

Tomorrow afternoon I’m crashing.

Comments on the poem welcome. =D

The more I think about my life and how I lived, the more I regret it. Listening to this song makes me feel like I should apologize for my life and start all over again. “Steady hands, just take the wheel” is the story of my life as I jump between having God in complete control and then grabbing control of my life myself. The fact is, although I’d like to pretend otherwise, I hate the feeling of depending on other people. In general, I don’t. I make a large enough amount of money not to have to borrow, I don’t crave for other people’s acceptance, and I can feel fine just hanging out with myself. But also, my life is focused about me. Maybe it’s time to “shake off the rust”.

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you’re here not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair ain’t what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

This part of the song is totally true to my life. Most of the time, I think I’m improving and getting better, but if I stop to think about it, I’m really going nowhere. I may get my school done or help a friend out, but I haven’t improved how I act overall and I haven’t changed in my relationship with God. I often wonder why I’m here and not there, I expect, after being a Christian for so many years, to magically understand God and His Will. I expect people to be fair to me, but if “fair ain’t really what I need” from God, if He did give me what’s fair, I’d be lost.

They’re trying to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could…
Steady feet, don’t fail me now
Gonna run till you can’t walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I’m standing down…

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be
Oh, do you see what I see…

So overall, this is an apology to people for times I’ve acted like a complete jerk and every time I’ve failed. I’m hoping that sooner rather than later I’ll be over there and not here.

~Alison

The other thing I notice, is that in parts of songs or musical parts where there is no words, I hear words for the music. For instance, just today (fiddling around with my hammered dulcimer quickly):

G – Don’t

B – You

C  – Know

Is what I heard. The songs that I can’t hear extra words to the music in tend to be my favorite. I almost think it’s like they’re complete and I don’t feel like I have to fill in anymore.

I recently tried song writing. Basically, writing poetry and matching notes to it in my head (because I’m really bad at writing them out on paper) and I found it quite easy to have the notes. I don’t really like what I came up with, but it was easy.

So I’m assuming I’m not alone, correct? Most of you readers are musical people, so tell me what you hear?

~Ali

by the way – just a little catch-up work and speech practice tomorrow and I’ll be on Christmas break! =D

If you’re wondering how it relates to me, I’ve been listening to way to many of those songs on love by Steven Curtis Chapman and Mark what’shisface (Shwaltz? or something . . . )

I have a deep fear that I could never be a parent because of my lack of patience and temper. I’ve read/heard so many stories of kids who are “scarred” for life by their unsuitable parents . . .

*shrugs* anyway . . . onto the poem:

A harsh word here,

A harsh word there,

Do you realize what you’re doing?

I doubt you even care.

Everytime you shout

And then don’t apologize,

Makes another sleepless night

Filled with my lonely cries

Everytime you tell me I’m a failure

The words pierce deep within my heart

I feel like I’m a sailor

Lost in a sea of darkness

One by one you lay the brick

Day by day my soul transfixed

I watch and cry, why can’t you see?

The things that I was meant to be

The bricks you build create a wall ,

The wall you make is now too tall.

I can’t see past

I can’t climb  the wall

Instead I turn, at last

I don’t wait for your call

Some day, I’ll want to reach you again

Can I leap the wall?

I am barred, the way, from men

My own mind created

Did I choose this way?

Or was it you?

Or did both of us,

In the end, construe 

We weren’t meant to be

You and I

Anymore than a desert and a sea

I’m ten years old, i bed and crying

You last look you gave, was so very cold

My hearts so sore, I think I might be dying

I don’t know what you want

But I know I do

I just want you to understand

That I love you.

Creation – The Basics

Viewpoints:

Atheistic Evolution

Theistic Evolution

Special Creation

Atheistic Evolution

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Atheistic Evolution – man is the accident and random product of a blind and nonpersonal series of chemical and biological events. All living organisms have developed from the simple to the more complex life forms.

This is just plain wrong. Every organism in creation, even the “simple” ones are amazingly complex. The idea that things like DNA came about randomly is silly. Plus, this still doesn’t explain where the chemical, etc stuff came from in the first place.

Special Creation – man is the direct product from the hand of God and that the statements in Genesis 1 and 2 are to be taken at face value. Genisis 1 and 2 present a clear case for believing in a special twenty four hour six day creation week.

Theistic Evolution – one God, the Creator of matter, who chose the method of evolution to bring all things into existence.

People usually pick this if they want to compromise and fit science into the Bible. The main reason they do this is because the earth is older that Special Creationists can really explain for. However, the reason we got the idea that the earth is old is through testing, and to be perfectly honest our testing methods can be very inaccurate. There is also an idea that the earth was created with an appearance of age, just as Adam and Eve were adults, not children.

Gap Theory -

The theory goes roughly like this:

• God created the universe billions of years ago.
• Then the geological ages proposed by evolutionists took place over billions of years of earth’s history.
• Life-forms arose during that time that are now preserved in the fossil record, and these fossils allegedly verify that the geological ages took place.
• At the end of the geological ages, Satan rebelled in Heaven and many angels followed him.
• God then cast Satan down to earth, the earth underwent a huge disaster or cataclysm, and it was left without form and void, with darkness on the face of the deep (as described in Genesis 1:2).
• God then re-created the earth in the six literal days of creation described in the first chapter of Genesis.

(taken from: http://www.users.bigpond.com/rdoolan/gaptheory.html )

Gap Theory is used to explain the tons of fossils which we have dated (again) and presumed too old. My personal theory – they probably came from the flood.

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There’s my take of Creation. You can probably tell I’m a Special Creationist. (After all, we got the cool name!)

Apologetics – What Apologetics is:

Apologia – a greek word used in the New Testament 8 times, we use it to mean a plea, an answer, or a defense. We use the two latter meanings for Apologetics.

Times Used (in the KJV)

1) Acts 22:01 “hear ye my defence.”

2) Acts 25:16 “and have licence to answer for himself.”

3) 1 Corinthians 9:3 “mine answer to thee”

4) 2 Corinthians 7:11 “in all things ye have approved yourselves.”

5) Philippians 1:7 “and in the defence  . . . of the gospel.”

6) Philippians 1:17 “the defence of the gospel”

7) 2 Timothy 4:16 “At my first answer no man stood with me”

1 Peter 3:15 :be ready always to give an answer . . . ”

Apologetics, however, is only a small part of theology.

Theology:

“Theos” is a greek word which menas “God”.

“ology” is a field of study. (Biology, etc)

Therefore, theology is the study of God.

The Divisions of Theology:

1) Exegetica Theology – study of scripture – understanding it

2) Historical Theology – the study of theology and how God relates to his people, history of the Church, Missions history, Doctrinal history, Creedal (ew!) )  and confessional history.

3) Systematic Theology – take and organize a belief system   – Apologetics – defense, Polemics – refutting other’s opinions or Faith or religion, Biblical Ethics – how to live our lives

4) Practical Theology – Homlietics – study of preaching, church organization, church administration, worship, christian education, missions

5) Exegetical Theology includes: Biblical languages – hebrew, greek and arabiac

6) Biblical introduction – who wrote the text, who he wrote it to, the dating of the writing, the culture

7) Biblical Hermeneutics – where to place it

Back to Apologetics . . .

Bibliology – study of the Bible

Theology Proper (great name!) – the study of God

Christology - the study of Christ

Pneumatology – the study of the Holy Spirit

Angelology - the study of Angels

Anthropology – the study of Man

Soteriology – the study of salvation

Ecclesiology – the study of the church

Eschatology – the study of future events

Well wasn’t that fun? . . .

“Call me tonight?”

“I promise.”

So what if that person doesn’t call.

“Oops, sorry.”

The Bible seems to think that promises are VERY important. I noticed this during singing a psalm on Sunday.

Before this, I knew I shouldn’t make a promise I couldn’t keep and it was better not to promise at all. However, in Pslam 15 it says this,

“He swears (makes a promise) and does not change it, although it hurts him so”

This makes it seem vitally important to keep your word. It’s a pity more of us don’t think about that kind of thing . . .